If you know me you’ll know that I’m coming to the end of my PhD, and with that I have some big decisions to make. I went into my PhD believing that I’d be fighting to rise through the ranks of academia, but it’s probably not a surprise to many of you that academia has made me change my mind! I have many thoughts about what I don’t want to do next but I still don’t know what I do want to do. I am of course trawling the internet, chatting to colleagues, seeing a careers advisor and keeping my mind open. But times like these always have me coming back to my three favourite ways to make decisions.
Write a ‘pros and cons’ list
I LOVE writing lists. Lists of things to do, lists of places I want to go, lists of places I’ve been, lists containing my innermost hopes and dreams…lists of pros and cons! For decisions as nebulous as the one I’m making now about which paths I might follow post-PhD, I’m focusing on lists of wants and dreams (life and career-wise) and lists of potential avenues or employers to investigate. As I start honing in on a couple of opportunities though you can bet that I’ll be writing out lists of pros and cons to sift through my thoughts and see the reality in ink. Sometimes I’ve wanted to want something so badly that I didn’t even realise that the cons far outweigh the pros.
Meditate
Now, I’m not super proficient at meditation so I’m not going to proclaim that I can easily clear my mind and sink into a personal pocket of zen, but I can do enough to achieve ‘some’ clarity! I’m sure it’s not just me that finds that when I have big decisions to make my mind gets BUSY. There are so many expectations to deal with (real or imagined!) and sometimes I find they start to smother the little voice that deep down knows what I really want. Meditation just gives me an uninterrupted moment with myself where that little voice has an opportunity to become a bit louder. I’m not saying that I have an epiphany every time I sit cross-legged on my yoga mat but I do always feel a little calmer and a little more centred afterwards.
Flip a coin
Flipping a coin only really works when you have a yes/no or one/the other decision to make. I won’t be using this tactic until I’ve majorly narrowed down my options or maybe even have an offer (or two) on the table. Basically you flip a coin and allow the coin to make your decision. That gut feeling you have when you see how the coin has landed tells you a lot about what you really think and feel about a decision. I like to think I know myself but my gut feeling over a coin toss has really surprised me in the past!
So, these are my top three ways to make a decision. I know they’re not groundbreaking but sometimes I think the simplest solutions are the best. Let me know what you think of them and if you have any others that you find helpful. Good luck if you’re in the middle of making any big decisions yourself.
I have a complicated relationship with inspirational quotes and I’ve seen a few recently that have caused me a deep sigh! Permit me a few minutes of your time to explain, using four inspirational messages, why I embrace negative vibes!
(Disclaimer: Take anything I’ve written with a pinch of salt. I have literally zero mental health credentials so this is entirely an opinion piece!)
Positive Vibes Only
For me, ‘positive vibes only’ is the biggest offender! It is, for me, the greatest representation of toxic positivity that I can think of. Toxic positivity describes any inspirational quote or message that has the capacity to be false, dismissive, alienating or undermining. Quotes like this can create feelings of guilt and shame because quite simply they’re disconnected from the reality of experiencing life as a complex human being. You cannot possibly be positive ALL the time and if your social group is only available for ‘good vibes’ then maybe you need to ask yourself if they’re good friends or just fair-weather friends. Good friends are often there to support or hold space for you when you’re experiencing ‘negative vibes only’!
When I was a teenager, I (in short) suffered with depression. I was in a whole self-destructive spiral that meant I often lashed out at the people closest to me and I effectively cut my best friend Hannah out of my life. There was no way that Hannah could get close enough to me at that time to support me, but she waited in the wings until I started to recover. She’s still one of my closest friends and we’ve now known each other for about 20 years. I will forever be grateful that she didn’t just abandon me because of my negative vibes (and trust me, they were NEGATIVE)! Now, I’m not saying you need to go through something so drastic to figure out who your friends are, and I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t have boundaries within your friendships. Finding that balance between giving space to negative vibes, encouraging positivity or maybe taking a step back is a tricky one that you have to learn to navigate all by yourself!
Allowing yourself 5 minutes to be upset
This is exactly the Instagram advice that tipped me over the edge and led me to write this! This particular Instagram post stated that you should give yourself 5 minutes to feel your negative emotions if things in your life go wrong, but no more. Set yourself a timer, have a cry, then simply acknowledge that you can’t change the way things are and just stop feeling those feelings. Simple! Right?!
Of course, there are absolutely moments in your life where you can just shake something off and move on. There can be great peace in sometimes accepting that there are things that you cannot change. BUT, (and it’s a big but!) I also firmly believe that it can be incredibly important to feel whatever you need to feel and for however long you need to feel it for. Whatever you’re feeling is valid and you need to work through that. No one should be dictating to you how long you should feel it for…especially if that involves setting a literal timer!
A few years ago I developed a chronic illness and I did not give myself time to process that. Getting ME/CFS was a life changing event and to some extent forcing myself to think positively was a protective measure. But, I bottled up so many feelings. I was often called brave and folk would tell me how well I was handling everything, and don’t get me wrong, it is nice to hear (and of course, it is well meant). But, I think it also made me feel like I had to keep presenting a positive front and it stopped me being honest about how I really felt (even to myself). To cut a long story short about 4 years after I was diagnosed I was sat in therapy realising how much I needed to grieve because of what had happened. Maybe I’m being facetious because I’m sure that this advice wasn’t necessarily intended to help you brush off the big things in life, but I think it’s easy when you’re at your most vulnerable to be gaslit by these seemingly innocuous pieces of advice.
Positive thoughts create positive results
I’m going to keep this short but essentially, this one is important to me because I think it can be weaponised. When I developed ME/CFS I was suddenly introduced to this faction of people who would essentially say that I was sick because I was thinking too negatively. Basically, I would get better if I thought more positively. I cannot express just how damaging this is. It places the blame on the person who is suffering and of course it’s not just a phrase reserved for those who are ill. Positive thinking can be an awesome tool, but it cannot cure you or solve all your problems.
You only fail if you quit
Quitting does not necessarily mean that you have failed. Sometimes quitting is the hardest and bravest thing that you can do. When I quit the merchant navy I felt like such a failure. That crushing feeling of defeat contributed to a breakdown that saw me literally run away to the other side of the world to hide in the desert and then later, on a small pacific island (which is perhaps a story for another day). I was terrified, full of doubt and totally confused for about 6 months afterwards, but ultimately quitting was one of the best decisions I ever made. Sometimes quitting is the right choice and sometimes quitting is the wrong choice, that’s for you to decide! Either way you are not necessarily a failure.
Now, ‘positive thoughts create positive results’ and ‘you can only fail if you quit’ are the kind of Pinterest style inspirational quotes that might really serve a purpose at particular times in your life. They might really speak to you and help to move you forward, and that’s okay. In fact, that’s more than okay, that’s great! You might think that that’s a little at odds with everything I’ve just written but what I’m trying to get across is just to approach these sayings and quotes with caution. How do they make you feel and how do they serve you? Please don’t ever feel trapped by them.
Like many kids, I played videogames and like many adults, I stopped!
My first console was a Super Nintendo and like all self-respecting SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System) players I loved Mario, Donkey Kong Jr and Street Fighter. When I grew older, I got my hands on a Playstation 2 so I could play Tomb Raider and I’d also commandeer my dad’s desktop to play his Red Alert war game (I ALWAYS played as the Soviets because of their mighty Tesla coil weapon and cool attack dogs). I used to love peeking inside the gaming magazines in W.H.Smiths so I could try to memorise the cheat codes, and I loved when I managed to convince my parents to buy me a game walkthrough book which meant I could uncover as many hidden bits of gameplay as I could. Nevertheless, despite all that love at some point I just stopped. I don’t remember a trigger, but I think I just started to be of the mind that gaming was for children, and I guess boys.
Roll on about 20 years later and I ended up falling for a guy who has never stopped playing and loving gaming. Now, I must admit I thought him playing videogames would be something that I just looked past or loved him in spite of! But, despite years of societal pressures and ideas surrounding adulthood and productivity, as he played and I looked over his shoulder, I started to get more and more interested and invested in what he was playing! Before I knew it, I was actively enjoying sitting down to watch him play, and dare I say it, backseat gaming! Roll on just 6 months later and I was tentatively asking if I could use his computer to play Jurassic World Evolution. I had the best time building my own dinosaur parks even though I’d have to get him to drive the ranger vehicle because I’d panic and crash into too many things!
We were already in lockdown when I started playing Jurassic World but as the stay-at-home measures continued, I convinced myself that getting my own console, a Nintendo Switch, would be a good investment! …and it was, because two years later, I’m still playing and my childhood love has well and truly been rekindled. Most recently I kidnapped my partners PS4 to play Horizon Zero Dawn and this time he watched me play. Oh, how the tables have turned!
Basically, I’ve fallen back in love with videogames because…
…of the epic storylines
Videogame story content has evolved (from what I remember) into something truly epic. When playing games like Assassins Creed Odyssey, The Witcher 3 – Wild Hunt and Outer Worlds my in-game decisions had a direct impact on how the game would play out and ultimately end (like in those choose your own adventure books). I’d find myself on YouTube looking up alternate endings to see what could have happened if I’d have made different choices. This means that there can be secret outcomes and endings if you know how to play and manipulate the game just right. Dialogue options can also be so intricate that you genuinely feel like you’re developing your character. Maybe it’s just the kind of person I am, but I genuinely feel a bit guilty if I make a ‘bad’ decision or dialogue choice…probably because more often than not I’ve turned my character into an extension of myself! All of this, plus the ‘open world’ style of exploration you’re now able to enjoy and you feel like you’re fully immersed in a whole new world.
…they’re fun!
I mean if you read the above paragraph and didn’t once feel a tiny tickle of ‘that sounds fun’ then honestly, there’s no hope for you! But seriously, playing videogames is just at the very core of it, fun. That sense of exploration and excitement at unlocking a new area or skill or piece of the story is addictive. Just like when you’re reading a book and you’re desperate to turn the page to see what’s around the next corner. But often that excitement of consuming a book is seen as adult and appropriate but consuming a videogame is seen as almost the opposite of that. I’ve certainly been guilty of feeling like I need to always be productive with my time and I definitely grew up consuming the media narrative of videogames = lazy. True enough too much gaming can be detrimental, but we can say that about too much of a lot of things. I think as adults we don’t always feel like we have permission to just play, but why can’t we just have fun for the sake of having fun sometimes.
…they’ve unlocked a new type of humour!
In line with them just being fun I’ve also expanded my sense of humour and joke repertoire! Each videogame brings with it a whole new range of nerdy in-jokes that never fail to bring me joy. Coming out with little quips about side quests or about how your medallion is humming will undoubtedly draw a blank from many folks, but managing to coax a knowing laugh from someone that understands always feels like a little win!
…they can relieve stress.
Especially during the early pandemic when I’d spent too long doom scrolling through twitter, I found that taking half an hour to myself to go fishing, collect butterflies or build a new piece of furniture in Animal Crossing New Horizons made me feel a whole lot calmer. Even just turning on my Nintendo Switch and hearing the music was enough to start squashing those anxious feelings. As the pandemic has limped on, I’ve discovered other games like Stardew Valley and Cozy Grove that have started to give me that same feeling of peace too. There’s something enormously stress relieving about carrying out menial and basic activities in a fantasy world where you cannot be attacked or receive bad news!
…they exercise my creativity.
World building and life simulation games like Animal Crossing New Horizons, Stardew Valley and Jurassic World all involve planning out and to some extent decorating your new world. Having control over where to put your museum, where you want to place your T-rex enclosure or where you want to plant your summer veggies is fun, calming and it encourages you to get creative. Of course you don’t have to be creative to play these games, but it does add another layer…and sometimes quite a major layer! In fact, I recently got hold of the Animal Crossing Paradise Planning expansion where the whole premise of the game is to decorate island holiday homes for cute animal villagers. It’s adorable and that kind of creative fun seeps into my real day to day life.
…I’ve learnt stuff!
I feel like I learn something new in every game that I play, but the best two examples I can think of are Assassins Creed Odyssey and Valiant Hearts: The Great War. Assassins Creed Odyssey is, you guessed it, based in Ancient Greece! You play as a mercenary who generally interferes in stuff; solves crimes, commits crimes (mostly by assassinating folk), kills legendary beasts like the Erymanthian boar, fights in battles between the Athenians and the Spartans (on either side), sinks pirate ships…you get the picture! There’s a whole intricate storyline that runs alongside that involves a lot of complex family drama, but that storyline involves real historical figures. Whilst weaving my way through the Peloponnesian war I got to meet Pericles, Herodotus, Aspasia and Hippocrates to name just a few. Most of these names tickled at my memory but I didn’t really know anything about them. Once I started searching out info about these major historical players and learning about some of the events they were involved in I only got more invested in the game. I mean, to actually have a conversation with Socrates (well, not actually of course) is just ace!
Valiant Hearts is a survival puzzle game where you switch between playing a German soldier, a French prisoner of war, an American volunteer, a Belgian nurse and their fearless canine companion who are just trying to make it through the First World War. The story is of course inspired by history, but also real letters recovered from the period. The game was engaging and touching and because it was based on real events I felt genuinely invested and emotional about the character’s fates. Also, because it was all about the First World War I learnt new things with every twist and turn of a level, with every item I logged or every conversation I had. Like Assassins Creed this encouraged me to go online and pick up the books to learn more.
…they train my brain!
I think all games involve an element of puzzle-craft and just figuring things out, but of course there are games made entirely to push your brain to work in different ways, and ultimately solve puzzles. My favourite two so far have been The Last Campfire and Down in Bermuda. In The Last Campfire you play a lost Ember who searches for a way home whilst helping those who are ‘forlorn’ (essentially other ember type characters who seem to have lost their purpose). It’s thoroughly touching, rewarding and challenging guiding Ember through all of the puzzles. In Down in Bermuda you play as an aviator called Milton who has found himself trapped in a time warp filled with puzzles. Like Ember, Milton just wants to find a way home. To help Milton go home you of course have to solve a great number of codes and puzzles and collect orbs and keys as you go. I thought it was an effortlessly cool game that definitely challenged those little grey cells!
…they’ve improved my hand-eye coordination.
When I was trying to figure out whether it was worth buying a console of my own, I played a tiny bit of The Witcher 3 – Wild Hunt on my partner’s Nintendo Switch. I enjoyed it (enough to buy my own) but I was terrible! There were too many buttons that did too many things and I struggled to face the camera in the direction I was going, I kept falling off stuff or running into things. It was a mess! Roll on the first RPG (Role-Playing Game) I bought for myself, Outer Worlds and it was a real learning curve! I struggled for quite a while, with my long-suffering partner pleading for me to face the way I was going or patiently teaching me how to lock on to an enemy, defend myself or be sneaky rather than just going full berserker in every situation. A couple of RPG’s later and I can hold my own. Do I still fall off stuff occasionally? Yes! Do I still get a bit frustrated with the number of buttons and different functionalities? Yes! But, with each game I improve in leaps and bounds.
…they’re something I can enjoy co-operatively.
I’m actually not that into playing games with other folk, but it is of course a big gaming plus for many. There are however a couple of games that I’ve really enjoyed playing with my partner: Overcooked 2 and Unravel 2. In short, in Overcooked, you have to work with your team to prepare, cook and serve the meals that are ordered. Of course, there are usually extra challenges thrown in, like every few seconds the lights go out or you have to jump between two moving trucks to get to different parts of the kitchen or the kitchen is icy, so you slide everywhere. It’s a simple premise, but it’s fun and sometimes frantic figuring things out with the people playing with you. It was actually one of the things in mine and my partners early relationship that made me realise he was a keeper…I thought if we could play something so chaotic and not get annoyed with each other it was a good sign! Since Overcooked, we’ve also played Unravel 2. In Unravel 2 you play a pair of demonic looking creatures made of yarn. They were both lost at sea and disconnected from their owners so decide to attach themselves to one another by a loose thread of yarn. Basically, you have to use that yarn attachment to swing and pull each other through a puzzling world of danger. Figuring things out together is without doubt a cute little bonding experience!
So, there you have it, nine reasons I’ve fallen back in love with videogaming after decades of feeling like they were no longer for me! What’s your experience with games? Have you ever played, have you always played, or did you ‘grow out’ of them? Let me know.
I’ve been struggling to write a bit recently and I’m a bit behind on my posts, but here’s one now. …just in time for the end of summer!
It’s perhaps an unpopular opinion, but summer is my least favourite season. So where my blog ‘a guide to thriving in winter’ talked about ways you can, well, thrive in winter, this blog is about how I survive summer. Although struggle through it might be a more accurate thing to say. I wanted to include hints and tips in case you struggle with it too, but actually I’m not sure I have that many! If you’re the polar opposite of me and LOVE summer then you won’t need any tips, but you might want to read on to hear about the other side.
Everywhere is busy
For a start, summer is so much busier. People decide they want to be out and about more, adults take breaks and kids get a long summer holiday. So, understandably lots of the most well-known ‘idyllic’ countryside spots and coolest attractions are crawling with people. I dislike places with lots of people if you hadn’t gathered that already…maybe that’s your vibe, but it certainly isn’t mine. This means I have to get more creative with where I go (which isn’t actually a bad thing) and I save all the popular tourist sites for the depths of winter. If you hate crowds, like I do I suggest giving that tactic a try. For example, I’ve visited Dunnottar castle in the depths of winter and the height of summer. In winter I was the only one there for at least half an hour. It felt so magical and atmospheric. In summer, I struggled to find anywhere to park. Cars were haphazardly left on the verges about a mile up the road and once we finally made it to castle there were people everywhere. I’m sure they were having a delightful day, but, to me, the place lost it’s charm in that moment.
Wasps
I hate wasps! I know they have great value in terms of biodiversity and pollination, I know that they’re unlikely to sting you if you just stay out of their way and don’t flap about when they’re near, I know that the stings don’t hurt that much, but I still hate them. I have a visceral, almost uncontrollable fear. When they’re around I feel the panic rising, I have to really focus on staying where I am and concentrating on the task I’m performing or the conversation I’m having. Sometimes it gets all a bit much and I have to do a little run! It’s embarrassing, but I just can’t help it. What makes it worse sometimes is how flippant folk can be about it. I guess it’s easy to shrug off a fear that you don’t understand, but it definitely just heightens my feelings in the moment. Just a few soothing placations and a but of support is all I need. To make things a little easier for myself I stop wearing perfume, I wear less hairspray, I don’t wear bright colours and I’m careful about where and when I sit outside. It probably all sounds like a bit much, but they’re the little things that help get me through.
Over-heating
I’m pale and freckly, I burn and I over-heat easily. I’m sensitive to summer! When I get hot, I get anxious and stressed (so I become even more afraid of wasps – fabulous). I just feel trapped by the heat…I mean, you’ve all been too hot, you get it! Ironically, I live in the UK, currently Scotland, but even a Scottish summer can be a bit toasty for me. Anyway, I hate getting to and starting work feeling flustered and sweaty. I also find that I have to treat my ME more carefully in the warmer months. The heat and humidity suck my energy and increase my likelihood of relapse. I find over summer I teeter on the edge of getting ill a lot more, which means I have to rest more and say no more often. If I’m honest though I think I’m probably not particularly set up for summer. I don’t make it easy on myself. I like wearing a lot of black, I don’t own a lot of summer clothes, I like wearing boots and I don’t like showing a lot of skin. It’s a recipe for disaster! I don’t have many tips to get through overheating other than; wear cycling shorts under skirts to avoid the chub rub, get to places early so that you can stand outside and cool down before you have to go inside, always have water with you and wear sunscreen!
People talking about the weather
This is my last point and I’ll keep it very short. As I mentioned in my ‘thriving in winter blog’, it annoys me enormously when visiting a place in winter how much people say “this would look nice in summer”. There’s a comment that annoys me even more in summer…I hate it when it rains or we have a grey day and folk say “well that’s our summer over then”. The eyeroll I think about performing in that moment is truly epic.
Now, before I finish, I do enjoy some aspects of summer. I don’t spend every day weeping and wishing for the next season to begin. I love chilling on a beach enjoying a cider, I love that it gets a little warmer for sea swimming, I love picnics and barbeques, I love the lighter and longer evenings and I love all the seasonal fruit. I’m not a total fun sponge! I promise. I am looking forward to autumn though…those crisp mornings and crunchy leaves. Perfect.
I love winter! If you know me, or you’ve read any of my blogs before, then you’re probably already aware that I struggle in summer but truly enjoy winter. Most of the people I know have that flipped around and are summer lovers, winter sceptics! So, as my planned blog for December is taking longer than I expected I thought why not push that back and write about why I thrive in winter, and perhaps how you can too. If you live in the North North, like the Arctic circle, you might need more than I’m suggesting here, but I think this is appropriate for the latitude I dwell on!
Firstly, I love being cosy and hunkering down and you can only really do that if it’s cold outside. I even generally keep my heating low because I’d rather wrap myself up in fleecy PJs, jumpers and my dressing gown, which is 5 sizes too big for me than feel stuffy in an over-heated apartment. If I’m in my flat, I’m wearing my dressing gown. If I’m in a zoom meeting it’s probably wrapped around my waist, if I’ve opened the door to you and I look ‘put together’ my dressing gown has been hastily whipped off just before and it goes straight back on after the door is shut. I whole heartedly suggest you get yourself a gown that you want to wear like a second skin, it is a true winter joy!
I also have multiple blankets and even crocheted a poncho-style blanket I can wear whilst I’m mooching about my apartment. When I lived in Aberystwyth, I had an attic flat by the sea, with no heating and no shower (it did have a bathtub). It was extremely cold…as in, I could see my breath indoors sometimes! I did have an electric heater but as we all know these are expensive to run and if I’m honest it only really took the edge off the cold. The size of the immersion heater meant I couldn’t fill the bath up all the way with hot water so I would sit in a warm puddle of water up to my hips and wash my hair with a jug, shivering the whole time! It’s crazy to think I pay only £50 more in Aberdeen for double the space, an extra bedroom, heating, and a bath/shower. I did love my tiny, cold, Welsh seaside flat though and still think of it very fondly! Anyway, the point of that little side-story was that blankets were one of my saviours (this was in the days before my dressing gown)! I literally wore one like a cape at all the times, which is where the idea for a poncho blanket came from…it just took a few years to come to fruition! Having so many blankets also means that I can sleep with my window open throughout most of winter and just bury myself under a nest of downy and woolly layers. I kind of remind myself of a rodent under all it’s bedding with just it’s nose sticking out for air. I love the fresh air.
On the same cosiness theme as fleecy layers and blankets are hot water bottles. I genuinely get a bit excited the first time I get to use it at the beginning of winter/end of autumn. I felted myself a hot water bottle cover during my winter stint living on the Isle of Islay, which makes it feel even more special. I used a tonne of different colours to remind me of all the rainbows I saw on the island because I’d never seen so many, so regularly. It’s getting a bit thin and worn now after so many years of use, but it gives me emotional warm and fuzzies as well as literally pumping out heat! It’s attached to me throughout most of winter. I tuck it into the waistband of my dressing gown or under my arm whilst I wander about my flat and it sits under my feet whilst I’m working from home. It’s even left the house with me a couple of times! I used to tuck it under my jumper whilst I sat on the quadbike mowing the reeds on Islay and I’ve taken it to work with me at the university on the weekend. (They shut the heating off on the weekend in winter and it gets a bit chilly in the office). Anyway, get a hot water bottle. You will not regret it!
As well as warm layers, I also love a bit of warm light, like fairy lights and lamps. I light candles infinitely more in the colder, darker months and as a result my flat always smells awesome. For me, candles really make a difference and they don’t have to be expensive. They make ‘normal’ things like taking a bath and reading a book more special too. Candles are great for the evenings but something that has made a REAL difference to me, especially in the morning, is having a sunrise/sunset alarm clock. I struggle to get out of bed at the best of times, but I REALLY struggle to get up when it’s dark outside. Mid-winter in Aberdeen the sun rises at 0845 and sets at 1530 so unless I’m having an ultimate lie in, it’s dark when I get up throughout winter. Having an artificial sunrise on a dark morning has been life changing! I’m still grumpy and I still don’t like crawling out of my blanket nest, but I’m summer level grumpy not tickling a sleeping dragon level grumpy (if you get the HP reference there, I salute you!). There are lots of different makes and models out there and I couldn’t recommend getting one more.
Talking of light – Vitamin D. Our bodies synthesise vitamin D when the sunlight hits our skin throughout the summer months. (We can also get it from eating things like oily fish, meat, cheese and mushrooms). In the UK we can’t synthesise vitamin D in the winter because there isn’t enough UVB radiation in sunlight. So, no matter how many walks you go at midday between October and March you’re not going to be getting any vitamin D out of it. Not to mention you’re probably not going to have much skin exposed in those months anyway. The idea is that we make all our vitamin D in summer and that we make enough to see us through winter. BUT the reality for many of us is that we now have inside jobs and probably don’t spend 20 mins outside in the sun between 11am and 3pm every day….so we don’t make enough vitamin D in summer to tide us over anymore. That means that many of us are low in vitamin D and this can cause things like fatigue, low mood, hair loss, muscle pains and frequent infections: Vitamin D is super important for healthy bones, teeth and muscles. Because of that it’s now advised that we supplement with about 10µg of vitamin D per day throughout those darker months. (Of course, if you have any concerns or any extra health considerations you should see your doctor before you go down to Boots). Whilst we’re talking about this, I think it’s also very important to note that folk with darker skin need to get more sun than us pale folk to make the same amount of vitamin D. So, if you have dark skin you are more likely to have low vitamin D levels throughout the whole year (especially in places like the UK). Also, if you’re a modest dresser then you may not have enough exposed skin to be making enough vitamin D even in summer. Something to think about. It’s always hard to tell if something like a supplement makes a difference or not, but I feel like it works for me!
Despite the fact you’re not getting any vitamin D out of it I still think it’s crazy important to get out and about throughout winter so you don’t get cabin fever. In fact, winter is my favourite time to explore lots of places. Mostly, because it’s quiet but also because I’m a huge fan of open, desolate and bleak landscapes! I think they have a huge amount of atmosphere. I mentioned in one of my other blogs about how I went to Dunnottar castle in Stonehaven in both winter and summer and how different those two experiences were, but the same thing can be said for most places. There’s so much beauty in a winter landscape but, I think, in general, maybe you have to look a little harder to see it. More often than not when I’m out and about with someone in winter I hear them say at some point…”I bet this is lovely in summer”. I’ve had to train myself to reply with something like “hmm, yeah” or “I bet” but really, inside, I’m shouting “IT’S LOVELY RIGHT NOW”. I’ve never heard someone in summer say, “I bet this looks lovely in winter”. Maybe I should start. I get it though, I really do. Summer is warm and colourful and more obviously full of life…it’s just a huge bugbear of mine!
Something that might help you appreciate being out and about in winter is a flask…or three. I have a tea/coffee flask, a soup flask and a whisky flask and each one is loved and appreciated throughout the cooler months. My consumption of hot drinks in the house skyrockets too and my alcohol choices go from summery chilled white wines and margaritas to brandy macs, whiskies and espresso martinis. I like drinking, and warming yourself up or killing off the cold ‘germs’ lingering in your throat is a great excuse! (Don’t tell me if there’s any science debunking that cold ‘germ’ thing. I don’t want to know)!
Anyway, because I still try to get out and about as much as I can my skin definitely takes a hit, so, I take the opportunity in winter to pamper myself. By pamper I just mean I up my skincare in general; more baths, more exfoliating, more face masks, more moisturising…you get the idea…just ‘more’! I know a lot of us are on a budget, but this really doesn’t have to cost much, and it so makes a difference. Alongside this type of self-care I think I naturally allow myself to relax with less guilt in winter too. I do more yoga, crafts and reading (which constitutes relaxing for me). Maybe the winter hibernation vibes let introverts like me spend more time getting on with introvert things!
Talking of introvert things, I think winter, which of course marks both the end of the current year and the beginning of the next, is a great time to reflect on what has happened and ruminate over what could be. This is something I REALLY enjoy doing. Now, I’m not talking about 5-year career plans (eurgh) or weight goals or anything like that, but something much softer. I’m actually going to write another blog at the beginning of the year about my ‘100 things to do in a year’ list and the cards I use to help me focus on what’s important to me. As this blog is already 2000 words long I won’t say any more about that ‘softer’ type of planning here or now…but look out for it if you’re interested in that.
So these are just some of the things I love about winter and some of the things that help make it such a pleasant time, for me. Of course, I also love Christmas and a sprinkling of snow and the smell of cold air and blue skied frosty days, but that all seemed too obvious. I can’t force you to like this season but hopefully if you’re a winter sceptic this has given you something to think about!
I honestly never thought that I’d be prepared to give up alcohol for a whole month! I love a glass of peaty whisky on a cold evening or a pint after a long walk. I love trying the new craft beers, especially the sours, brought out by Brewdog and Fierce in my home city of Aberdeen and there are countless academic networking events where I’ve enjoyed a glass of boxed wine to help the chat flow a little smoother!
BUT, I hit Christmas pretty hard and I get really bad hangovers now (thanks 30s). I was starting to really resent the fact that I could lose a whole day after a heavy event; struggling to get up, ordering Burger King to my bed and sometimes being in so much pain even watching Netflix for the first half of the day was too much. I’d also seen tweets about academic drinking and started to notice for myself that ALL of the academic events revolved around alcohol and that there were a number of non-drinkers that maybe felt a bit pushed out and jaded at the lack of interesting alternatives.
Now, people have different opinions on non-alcoholic or low alcoholic alternatives to classic bevvies. I heard a lot of people ask ‘what’s the point?’ or say ‘just have a coke’. But I like the taste of all the alcohols and a lot of the time I crave the taste of a glass of wine with dinner not the effects of the alcohol in it. I also found that in social situations having a bottle of low alcohol beer made me feel more involved than a glass of coke would have. However I appreciate that is a highly personal thing. Not that this would have pushed me to having a drink but it also meant that people didn’t question the fact that I wasn’t drinking when I was out, because it looked like I was!
My biggest concerns for the month were that I’d struggle to enjoy things because I’d find it difficult to chat freely and to have conversations with people I didn’t know very well and that my friends would think that I wasn’t any fun or that I was somehow changing.
So anyway throughout January I tried quite a few of the low and non-alcoholic alternatives out there…and here is what I thought.
(Although, to make it quite clear… I don’t really know what I’m talking about. I like what I like and I’m pretty much making it up as I go along, so I’m not going to go on about mouthfeel, or colour, or nose or whatever! But well done you if this is a connoisseur level skill that you do have…I only have the experience and fervour to critique donuts this way!)
Right, without further ado…
BEER
Okay, let’s start with the BrewDogs. I was quite curious to try some of the BrewDog AF’s because I of course love BrewDog but also they’ve just opened the world’s first alcohol free bar in London called…well…BrewDog AF. Now, maybe it’s because I’m used to their alcohol full sours and stouts which are among my favourites or maybe it’s because I only managed to try four of their AF beers (I’ve reliably been told Hazy AF is the best) but I was a little disappointed. I got more used to them the more I drank and I’ve even had one or two since dry January has ended but I was never fooled into thinking I was drinking a real beer!
Wake Up Call – I ended up with two.
Wake Up Call (0.5%)
A dark, coffee stout…with something missing! I love a pint of Jet Black Heart or Zombie Cake, which feels a bit like eating a meal. They’re thick and full of flavour whereas Wake Up Call is a little thin and sad. This was one of the only low alcohol stouts that I managed to try so maybe they’re just hard to do.
3/10
Punk AF (0.5%)
This was the moment it clicked that it was not Punk ‘As Fuck’ but Punk ‘Alcohol Free’. Idiot! So, in all honesty IPA’s with their hoppy flavours aren’t my favourite anyway. This was certainly hoppy but still felt a bit thin and lacking depth. I’ve had this in the Aberdeen BrewDog’s since January when there have been no other alcohol free beer options but I always look at my pals bevvies or scan the options on the menu board and wish I was drinking something else.
4/10
Nanny State (0.5%)
This is my favourite of the BrewDog AF range that I’ve tried so far. It’s hoppy, which as we know isn’t my favourite, but it’s certainly the most flavourful. I think it’s the closest in taste to having a ‘real’ beer. I’d happily drink this on a night out or maybe have a few of these between alcoholic beverages so I’m not quite so hanging in the morning!!
7/10
Raspberry Blitz (0.5%)
For a hot second I’d forgotten I’d tried this one! I think that’s because it makes me think less of a sour beer and more of a sour fizzy drink. I love it though and I drank this many times last summer, usually after beekeeping. It’s super sharp and fresh and tasty. I’m not sure that it would quite fill the gap of an alcoholic beer for me, but I would drink it again and again and again on many occasions.
7/10
Okay, time to move away from BrewDog and onto all the other non and low-alcoholic beers I managed to get my hands on!
‘Pale Ale’ – Big Drop Brewing Company (Suffolk) (0.5%), found in Morrisons.
Excellent! This was 100% one of my favourites. It was rich, full of flavour, it didn’t taste/feel thin…it was one of the few that was so convincing that I managed to unexpectedly feel a bit like I’d ‘had a drink’. Not tipsy, but warm and relaxed! I wanted another one and I definitely want to try other non-alcoholic beers from this breweries range.
9/10
Low Tide – Shipyard (0.5%), found in Morrisons.
Admittedly what first attracted me to this beer was that it has a gull on the label and…I like gulls. But it had depth and flavour and it didn’t have the thin ‘feel’ that I grew to find super disappointing in other beers. It was fruity and tropical and I could even taste the promised hint of blueberry when I concentrated hard enough. This was another low alcohol beer that I could drink over and over again and another that made me feel psychologically tipsy!
8/10
Braxzz Porter – Braxzz brewery (0%), drunk in the Black Isle Brewery pub in Inverness.
(I love this pub!)
I don’t actually remember drinking this! Which potentially tells you all you need to know, BUT luckily, I did make notes on it in my phone. They read, “tastes kinda alcoholic. Best stout/porter yet”. So I must’ve liked it…but not enough to commit it to memory.
5/10 (Totally hedging my bets there)
Brooklyn Special Effects – Brooklyn brewery (0.4%), drunk in Hootenanny in Inverness.
I think we need to start by saying that this was so convincing that when I left the pub after having three of these the thought crossed my mind to ‘sober up’ so I could keep my wits about me getting home (I was completely sober!) AND I woke up with a hangover. Now, okay, it wasn’t a hangover – I think I was just over tired and dehydrated but I still had that beery taste in my mouth and the feeling of shame about ‘drinking on a school night’ hovered over me. All of that collectively made me feel hungover. Definitely one of the things I was trying to avoid! I mean I had three, so I obviously like it…a lot. It was hoppy and piney, with lots of flavour and good ‘depth’.
8/10
St Peter’s without, Gold (0%), found in Morrisons.
Dear lord, do not do this to yourself. This is up there with my least favourite beers of all time and I’ve tried a lot of very funky sours (usually ordered by my supervisor and friend Ewan). I took a few swigs, made a few other people suffer it and then abandoned it on a table mid party. It was SO malty/yeasty. I like both of those things, but not with that level of pungency. It reminded me of when you do a brewery tour and they get you to try and taste the malt before it goes through the brewing process. That experience is great on a tour…. I just do not want to drink a whole bottle of that flavour. The one positive thing I have to say about this is the bottle. It made me think of an old medicine bottle, the kind you’d dig up at the bottom of your garden. For that I can give this beer half a mark!
0.5/10
WINE
‘The Bees Knees’ by North South Wines ltd (0%), found in Morrisons.
In mid-January I did my first 45 minute talk to a group of beekeepers and this was an achievement I wanted to celebrate. The Bees Knees doesn’t claim to taste like a sparkling wine but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t disappointed that it didn’t! It reminded me of Schloer or sparkling elderflower and it was probably in a similar price bracket. What I did like was that I had a cork to pop! It made it feel more like an event. Without that I feel like I might as well just have bought a bottle of my favourite, coke zero, and called it a day. I wouldn’t not buy this again…but I’m not going to look forward to my next bottle or crave the taste of it!
5/10
McGuigan zero – Shiraz, from Morrisons (0%).
Looked like wine, smelled like wine…tasted like disappointment. Honestly, every mouthful of this was bitterly sad. I wanted real wine and I wanted real wine more than before I started drinking this alternative. I would not buy this again…ever.
1/10
GIN (yes gin!)
Ceders Wild (0%)
The only note I made on this on my phone was, ‘pointless’! I tried it with tonic, quite a strong one to be fair, and I don’t think I really got any notes of botanicals at all. I tried it straight from the bottle too, just to make sure I gave it a fair shot and, I mean, it tasted of something (probably juniper) but not a lot. If I’m honest I think I’d get just as much of a mock-G&T feeling by just drinking the tonic with a bit of ice and lime. I should probably add here that it was quite expensive at about £15-£20 for a medium sized bottle.
1/10
Seedlip Spice 94 and grapefruit tonic in a can (0%)
I’d heard a lot of people talk about this non-alcholic gin alternative but after the failure of ceders wild I didn’t fancy forking out another £20-£30 for a bottle. Luckily my friend bought me a pre-mixed can to try at a party…and it was great. I think it’s worth bearing in mind that obviously the company have carefully mixed the drink for you, so they’ve undoubtably ensured that you’re getting the maximum flavour. I do wonder what it’d be like if you mixed it yourself with whatever tonic you have lying around the house…but I’m not curious enough to spend any money!
6/10
So, all in all it was easier and I enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. I’ve even gone for non-alcoholic options since the end of January! It’s early days but I’ve loved not being hungover. Maybe it’s a ‘new me’, maybe it’s not, maybe it’ll be a fairly hangover free year, maybe I’ll have a wild couple of months after this post goes up …who knows?! I’m not telling you how to live your life, I’m not a paragon of health! But if this has given you food for thought and it’s something you want to try too at least you know there’s plenty of decent non-alcoholic options out there (and some not so decent ones)!
In A Kingdom By The Sea 