ME Awareness Month 2021

Where I’m at…

(Just before I start, if you want to know more about ME/CFS in general follow the link to another one of my blogs just here, if you want to know how I developed ME/CFS follow this link here, and if you want to know how I was doing a couple of years ago follow this link here.)

I haven’t written an ME related blog for a long while, but seeing as it’s ME awareness month, I’ve recently had a little flare up, AND I’ve been chatting to some chronically ill friends and acquaintances recently it seemed like a good time.

As a bit of very speedy background, after being a very healthy individual for 29 years I developed ME in the last year of my undergraduate degree. Although I had a really rough period where I was pretty much housebound, spending most of my time in bed, I’ve more or less recovered at a fairly consistent (albeit seemingly glacial) rate over the last 4 years. In this, I am incredibly lucky. There is no diagnostic test for ME, no established treatment plan, and no prognosis. Many folk, like myself, go home and just try to figure it out for themselves.

So, ~4 years after diagnosis, where am I at now? I guess that’s somewhat complicated! According to the NHS, ‘severe ME’ describes people that are bedbound (or at least housebound), ‘moderate ME’ describes people who can’t work or continue full time education, and ‘mild ME’ describes those who can carry out everyday activities whilst maintaining a job, but they do this with difficulty and have to sacrifice hobbies or social activities. If you’re thinking that mild ME doesn’t sound too bad, imagine your entire life being stripped back so it just revolves around work and basic chores, because you have no reserves left for anything else. No beers with friends on a Friday, no playing footie in the garden with your kids, no midweek French class…you get the drift. Doesn’t sound so mild anymore, right? Anyway, where do I fit into this short list of NHS definitions? I’m definitely not severe, I’m certainly not moderate, and actually I’m not even mild. I exist in a space that would be considered by many as recovered, but I feel remiss to accept that definition.

I think I would be considered ‘recovered’ because I hold down a full-time job (well, a PhD), a social life and multiple hobbies, which even include a certain amount of physical activity. I even started running and playing badminton for a brief period a couple of years ago (before I had a relapse)! I would disagree with the term recovered though, as sometimes I still have relapses or flare ups, I’m certainly not at pre-ME fitness and ME still, to some extent, shapes how I live my life. It’s hard to say why I have flare-ups. Sometimes I think it’s stress, or that I’ve overdone trying to build up my exercise, or even that I’ve eaten something that doesn’t agree with me. But, if I’m honest, I never really know. I generally just pick the option that seems most sensible and settle on it because I want an answer. Relapses for me most commonly mean one, or a combination of the following symptoms: Chest pain, headaches, joint pain, muscle pain, brain fog and/or fatigue. I also developed IBS as a fun side gig to ME, but I almost consider that an entirely separate entity now! Nowadays relapses normally have a peak in which I have to rest totally for a full day with time either side where I just need to cut back on activities. It’s rare that flare-ups last longer, but this most recent relapse had a peak of about a week and then of course time either side where things were ramping up or cooling down.

I have a lot of feelings about where I’m at now and I’ll share some of those below. I’ve tried to be open and vulnerable and I appreciate that might not make for comfortable reading. I think it’s important for me to share though and if it makes just one person feel even slightly less alone or slightly more seen then I think it’s worth me exposing myself!

Let’s start with a positive (I’m a silver lining’s kind of girl)! I’m so grateful that I have recovered so much as I know many folk suffer a lot more for a lot longer. I’ve learned to enjoy a tonne of new things like playing videogames, chilling in cafes, sitting and watching the world go by (generally just being) and deep diving into various crafts. But, I‘m also grieving the life and the person I feel like I’ve lost. I miss regularly climbing mountains, I miss running, I miss pushing myself and I miss trusting my body and feeling fearless in what it can achieve.

In some ways I think having ME has helped me manage my PhD, and well, life for that matter. It’s taught me to get better at managing my stress, asking for help and saying no. I’m not by any means saying I’m flawless at those things by the way! I still get stressed, I still say yes when I don’t want to sometimes, and I still forget I can ask for help from time to time. But, I’m infinitely better at those things than I was before! Whilst things are fine with the PhD, I’m low key terrified about what I’m going to do next. I worry about being able to keep up with the fixed hours of a ‘normal’ job, I worry about what that would mean financially and in terms of my independence. I’ve always fallen on my feet and I’m trying to have faith that that will happen again. I’m hoping I’ll just stumble across some super flexible, well-paying unicorn job that matches my skillset whilst I’m doing my careers searches. I know some of your values, needs and fears change with age, but I used to have wild dreams and be fairly carefree about where I would move and what I would do. I just knew that I’d be fine and I’d figure it out. I knew I could physically push through any difficulties that come as part of the new job/ new move upheaval. I struggle to think past the PhD now (although admittedly that’s not all to do with ME). A little while ago a job came up in conservation working with a friend on a reserve I’d lived and worked on before. (Pre-ME, I always thought of going back to conservation if science didn’t work out.) This job was a unicorn job! Now, ME aside, I want to finish my PhD, I don’t think I’d want to live on an island separated from my partner, I don’t think I was entirely qualified anymore and literally the perfect person got the job anyway. So, it was never going to happen, but I think what I found so difficult is that for all the time I spent thinking and talking about how cool that job could be I always had to admit the hard truth to myself that I’m not physically capable of working in conservation anymore (or at least for the foreseeable future). I’m just not well enough…and yeah, maybe I will be in the future (I still trust that I will continue to gradually get better), but it was still a hard thing to swallow.

Things like I’ve just talked about can leave me feeling a little trapped in a body that doesn’t work like it used to… and yes, I know it could be worse, but that’s not a helpful way of thinking either. ME has had a huge impact on my body confidence. It’s not just about what my body can do, it’s about how it looks now. It just doesn’t feel like ‘me’. I’m a lot fluffier now, as in I’m the fluffiest I’ve ever been! I have to say that there are of course other factors, I’m older, it’s a pandemic, I’m in a relationship etc… but ultimately, I can’t exercise like I used to. It’s such a hard thing to try to balance. I start exercising, build it up, get excited, struggle to listen to my body, relapse, take a break, get disheartened… It’s a vicious cycle. Because exercising is temperamental, I’ve also tried to just control my weight with food, but that quickly becomes unhealthy (I’ve not always had the healthiest journey with eating anyway). Counting calories becomes obsessive, then I don’t eat enough, then I get lethargic, then I have a flare-up. It’s another unpleasant cycle. I’m trying a novel new thing at the moment, which is eating and exercising intuitively and learning to be comfortable in my body. It’s the opposite of easy, but actually it’s making me face some of the unhealthy attitudes I’ve held surrounding weight gain throughout my entire life and that cannot be a bad thing.

Having said all that, I also feel guilty. I know that someone with even mild ME might read this and think “how dare she complain with the life she’s leading”?! By all intents and purposes, I’m living a totally ‘normal’ life and my Instagram shows me being in the lab, going on walks (even up the occasional small mountain/big hill), hanging out with friends etc… Don’t get me wrong, I am SO grateful, and I have so many wonderful things going on, but I have the before and after ME comparison in my head and I still feel limited. I want more. I know I’ve written about this before, but I also still worry sometimes that it’s not ME. I worry that it’s something else, or that it’s a crutch, an excuse, something psychological. That makes me feel a strange type of guilt and fear too, like I’m going to get found out as a fake. Imposter syndrome but for a chronic illness!

Despite everything though I’m not sure I would choose for it to never have happened. I’ve learned so much and grown emotionally. I’ve made choices and friends that I don’t think I would have made before and they’ve led on to some excellent experiences. It just hurts sometimes, and I really wish there was an end date. I used to spend a lot of time wearing a bit of a mask, kind of a toxic positivity mask. As a matter of survival I thought I had to stay positive and optimistic about my ME pretty much all the time lest it effect my recovery, but that took a toll and now I’m just trying to let myself feel everything. I can have good days and bad. I can be grateful and think it’s all a bit shit simultaneously. I’m a good multi-tasker! I have a long way to go mentally and physically, but I have a delightful support network of friends, family and now even a therapist. Look at me go!

Anyway, a big thank you for reading this. These posts are never easy to write so I always hugely appreciate anyone making it this far!

A Guide to Thriving Throughout Winter.

I love winter! If you know me, or you’ve read any of my blogs before, then you’re probably already aware that I struggle in summer but truly enjoy winter. Most of the people I know have that flipped around and are summer lovers, winter sceptics! So, as my planned blog for December is taking longer than I expected I thought why not push that back and write about why I thrive in winter, and perhaps how you can too. If you live in the North North, like the Arctic circle, you might need more than I’m suggesting here, but I think this is appropriate for the latitude I dwell on!

Firstly, I love being cosy and hunkering down and you can only really do that if it’s cold outside. I even generally keep my heating low because I’d rather wrap myself up in fleecy PJs, jumpers and my dressing gown, which is 5 sizes too big for me than feel stuffy in an over-heated apartment. If I’m in my flat, I’m wearing my dressing gown. If I’m in a zoom meeting it’s probably wrapped around my waist, if I’ve opened the door to you and I look ‘put together’ my dressing gown has been hastily whipped off just before and it goes straight back on after the door is shut. I whole heartedly suggest you get yourself a gown that you want to wear like a second skin, it is a true winter joy!

I also have multiple blankets and even crocheted a poncho-style blanket I can wear whilst I’m mooching about my apartment. When I lived in Aberystwyth, I had an attic flat by the sea, with no heating and no shower (it did have a bathtub). It was extremely cold…as in, I could see my breath indoors sometimes! I did have an electric heater but as we all know these are expensive to run and if I’m honest it only really took the edge off the cold. The size of the immersion heater meant I couldn’t fill the bath up all the way with hot water so I would sit in a warm puddle of water up to my hips and wash my hair with a jug, shivering the whole time! It’s crazy to think I pay only £50 more in Aberdeen for double the space, an extra bedroom, heating, and a bath/shower. I did love my tiny, cold, Welsh seaside flat though and still think of it very fondly! Anyway, the point of that little side-story was that blankets were one of my saviours (this was in the days before my dressing gown)! I literally wore one like a cape at all the times, which is where the idea for a poncho blanket came from…it just took a few years to come to fruition! Having so many blankets also means that I can sleep with my window open throughout most of winter and just bury myself under a nest of downy and woolly layers. I kind of remind myself of a rodent under all it’s bedding with just it’s nose sticking out for air. I love the fresh air.

On the same cosiness theme as fleecy layers and blankets are hot water bottles. I genuinely get a bit excited the first time I get to use it at the beginning of winter/end of autumn. I felted myself a hot water bottle cover during my winter stint living on the Isle of Islay, which makes it feel even more special. I used a tonne of different colours to remind me of all the rainbows I saw on the island because I’d never seen so many, so regularly. It’s getting a bit thin and worn now after so many years of use, but it gives me emotional warm and fuzzies as well as literally pumping out heat! It’s attached to me throughout most of winter. I tuck it into the waistband of my dressing gown or under my arm whilst I wander about my flat and it sits under my feet whilst I’m working from home. It’s even left the house with me a couple of times! I used to tuck it under my jumper whilst I sat on the quadbike mowing the reeds on Islay and I’ve taken it to work with me at the university on the weekend. (They shut the heating off on the weekend in winter and it gets a bit chilly in the office). Anyway, get a hot water bottle. You will not regret it!

As well as warm layers, I also love a bit of warm light, like fairy lights and lamps. I light candles infinitely more in the colder, darker months and as a result my flat always smells awesome. For me, candles really make a difference and they don’t have to be expensive. They make ‘normal’ things like taking a bath and reading a book more special too. Candles are great for the evenings but something that has made a REAL difference to me, especially in the morning, is having a sunrise/sunset alarm clock. I struggle to get out of bed at the best of times, but I REALLY struggle to get up when it’s dark outside. Mid-winter in Aberdeen the sun rises at 0845 and sets at 1530 so unless I’m having an ultimate lie in, it’s dark when I get up throughout winter. Having an artificial sunrise on a dark morning has been life changing! I’m still grumpy and I still don’t like crawling out of my blanket nest, but I’m summer level grumpy not tickling a sleeping dragon level grumpy (if you get the HP reference there, I salute you!). There are lots of different makes and models out there and I couldn’t recommend getting one more.

Talking of light – Vitamin D. Our bodies synthesise vitamin D when the sunlight hits our skin throughout the summer months. (We can also get it from eating things like oily fish, meat, cheese and mushrooms). In the UK we can’t synthesise vitamin D in the winter because there isn’t enough UVB radiation in sunlight. So, no matter how many walks you go at midday between October and March you’re not going to be getting any vitamin D out of it. Not to mention you’re probably not going to have much skin exposed in those months anyway. The idea is that we make all our vitamin D in summer and that we make enough to see us through winter. BUT the reality for many of us is that we now have inside jobs and probably don’t spend 20 mins outside in the sun between 11am and 3pm every day….so we don’t make enough vitamin D in summer to tide us over anymore. That means that many of us are low in vitamin D and this can cause things like fatigue, low mood, hair loss, muscle pains and frequent infections: Vitamin D is super important for healthy bones, teeth and muscles. Because of that it’s now advised that we supplement with about 10µg of vitamin D per day throughout those darker months. (Of course, if you have any concerns or any extra health considerations you should see your doctor before you go down to Boots). Whilst we’re talking about this, I think it’s also very important to note that folk with darker skin need to get more sun than us pale folk to make the same amount of vitamin D. So, if you have dark skin you are more likely to have low vitamin D levels throughout the whole year (especially in places like the UK). Also, if you’re a modest dresser then you may not have enough exposed skin to be making enough vitamin D even in summer. Something to think about. It’s always hard to tell if something like a supplement makes a difference or not, but I feel like it works for me!

Despite the fact you’re not getting any vitamin D out of it I still think it’s crazy important to get out and about throughout winter so you don’t get cabin fever. In fact, winter is my favourite time to explore lots of places. Mostly, because it’s quiet but also because I’m a huge fan of open, desolate and bleak landscapes! I think they have a huge amount of atmosphere. I mentioned in one of my other blogs about how I went to Dunnottar castle in Stonehaven in both winter and summer and how different those two experiences were, but the same thing can be said for most places. There’s so much beauty in a winter landscape but, I think, in general, maybe you have to look a little harder to see it. More often than not when I’m out and about with someone in winter I hear them say at some point…”I bet this is lovely in summer”. I’ve had to train myself to reply with something like “hmm, yeah” or “I bet” but really, inside, I’m shouting “IT’S LOVELY RIGHT NOW”. I’ve never heard someone in summer say, “I bet this looks lovely in winter”. Maybe I should start. I get it though, I really do. Summer is warm and colourful and more obviously full of life…it’s just a huge bugbear of mine!

Something that might help you appreciate being out and about in winter is a flask…or three. I have a tea/coffee flask, a soup flask and a whisky flask and each one is loved and appreciated throughout the cooler months. My consumption of hot drinks in the house skyrockets too and my alcohol choices go from summery chilled white wines and margaritas to brandy macs, whiskies and espresso martinis. I like drinking, and warming yourself up or killing off the cold ‘germs’ lingering in your throat is a great excuse! (Don’t tell me if there’s any science debunking that cold ‘germ’ thing. I don’t want to know)!

Anyway, because I still try to get out and about as much as I can my skin definitely takes a hit, so, I take the opportunity in winter to pamper myself. By pamper I just mean I up my skincare in general; more baths, more exfoliating, more face masks, more moisturising…you get the idea…just ‘more’! I know a lot of us are on a budget, but this really doesn’t have to cost much, and it so makes a difference. Alongside this type of self-care I think I naturally allow myself to relax with less guilt in winter too. I do more yoga, crafts and reading (which constitutes relaxing for me). Maybe the winter hibernation vibes let introverts like me spend more time getting on with introvert things!

Talking of introvert things, I think winter, which of course marks both the end of the current year and the beginning of the next, is a great time to reflect on what has happened and ruminate over what could be. This is something I REALLY enjoy doing. Now, I’m not talking about 5-year career plans (eurgh) or weight goals or anything like that, but something much softer. I’m actually going to write another blog at the beginning of the year about my ‘100 things to do in a year’ list and the cards I use to help me focus on what’s important to me. As this blog is already 2000 words long I won’t say any more about that ‘softer’ type of planning here or now…but look out for it if you’re interested in that.

So these are just some of the things I love about winter and some of the things that help make it such a pleasant time, for me. Of course, I also love Christmas and a sprinkling of snow and the smell of cold air and blue skied frosty days, but that all seemed too obvious. I can’t force you to like this season but hopefully if you’re a winter sceptic this has given you something to think about!

Dry January

I honestly never thought that I’d be prepared to give up alcohol for a whole month! I love a glass of peaty whisky on a cold evening or a pint after a long walk. I love trying the new craft beers, especially the sours, brought out by Brewdog and Fierce in my home city of Aberdeen and there are countless academic networking events where I’ve enjoyed a glass of boxed wine to help the chat flow a little smoother!

BUT, I hit Christmas pretty hard and I get really bad hangovers now (thanks 30s). I was starting to really resent the fact that I could lose a whole day after a heavy event; struggling to get up, ordering Burger King to my bed and sometimes being in so much pain even watching Netflix for the first half of the day was too much. I’d also seen tweets about academic drinking and started to notice for myself that ALL of the academic events revolved around alcohol and that there were a number of non-drinkers that maybe felt a bit pushed out and jaded at the lack of interesting alternatives.

Now, people have different opinions on non-alcoholic or low alcoholic alternatives to classic bevvies. I heard a lot of people ask ‘what’s the point?’ or say ‘just have a coke’. But I like the taste of all the alcohols and a lot of the time I crave the taste of a glass of wine with dinner not the effects of the alcohol in it. I also found that in social situations having a bottle of low alcohol beer made me feel more involved than a glass of coke would have. However I appreciate that is a highly personal thing. Not that this would have pushed me to having a drink but it also meant that people didn’t question the fact that I wasn’t drinking when I was out, because it looked like I was!

My biggest concerns for the month were that I’d struggle to enjoy things because I’d find it difficult to chat freely and to have conversations with people I didn’t know very well and that my friends would think that I wasn’t any fun or that I was somehow changing.

So anyway throughout January I tried quite a few of the low and non-alcoholic alternatives out there…and here is what I thought.

(Although, to make it quite clear… I don’t really know what I’m talking about. I like what I like and I’m pretty much making it up as I go along, so I’m not going to go on about mouthfeel, or colour, or nose or whatever! But well done you if this is a connoisseur level skill that you do have…I only have the experience and fervour to critique donuts this way!)

Right, without further ado…

BEER

Okay, let’s start with the BrewDogs. I was quite curious to try some of the BrewDog AF’s because I of course love BrewDog but also they’ve just opened the world’s first alcohol free bar in London called…well…BrewDog AF. Now, maybe it’s because I’m used to their alcohol full sours and stouts which are among my favourites or maybe it’s because I only managed to try four of their AF beers (I’ve reliably been told Hazy AF is the best) but I was a little disappointed. I got more used to them the more I drank and I’ve even had one or two since dry January has ended but I was never fooled into thinking I was drinking a real beer!

Wake Up Call (0.5%)

A dark, coffee stout…with something missing! I love a pint of Jet Black Heart or Zombie Cake, which feels a bit like eating a meal. They’re thick and full of flavour whereas Wake Up Call is a little thin and sad. This was one of the only low alcohol stouts that I managed to try so maybe they’re just hard to do.

3/10

Punk AF (0.5%)

This was the moment it clicked that it was not Punk ‘As Fuck’ but Punk ‘Alcohol Free’. Idiot! So, in all honesty IPA’s with their hoppy flavours aren’t my favourite anyway. This was certainly hoppy but still felt a bit thin and lacking depth. I’ve had this in the Aberdeen BrewDog’s since January when there have been no other alcohol free beer options but I always look at my pals bevvies or scan the options on the menu board and wish I was drinking something else.

4/10

Nanny State (0.5%)

This is my favourite of the BrewDog AF range that I’ve tried so far. It’s hoppy, which as we know isn’t my favourite, but it’s certainly the most flavourful. I think it’s the closest in taste to having a ‘real’ beer. I’d happily drink this on a night out or maybe have a few of these between alcoholic beverages so I’m not quite so hanging in the morning!!

7/10

Raspberry Blitz (0.5%)

For a hot second I’d forgotten I’d tried this one! I think that’s because it makes me think less of a sour beer and more of a sour fizzy drink. I love it though and I drank this many times last summer, usually after beekeeping. It’s super sharp and fresh and tasty. I’m not sure that it would quite fill the gap of an alcoholic beer for me, but I would drink it again and again and again on many occasions.

7/10

Okay, time to move away from BrewDog and onto all the other non and low-alcoholic beers I managed to get my hands on!

‘Pale Ale’ – Big Drop Brewing Company (Suffolk) (0.5%), found in Morrisons.

Excellent! This was 100% one of my favourites. It was rich, full of flavour, it didn’t taste/feel thin…it was one of the few that was so convincing that I managed to unexpectedly feel a bit like I’d ‘had a drink’. Not tipsy, but warm and relaxed! I wanted another one and I definitely want to try other non-alcoholic beers from this breweries range.

9/10

Low Tide – Shipyard (0.5%), found in Morrisons.

Admittedly what first attracted me to this beer was that it has a gull on the label and…I like gulls. But it had depth and flavour and it didn’t have the thin ‘feel’ that I grew to find super disappointing in other beers. It was fruity and tropical and I could even taste the promised hint of blueberry when I concentrated hard enough. This was another low alcohol beer that I could drink over and over again and another that made me feel psychologically tipsy!

8/10

Braxzz Porter – Braxzz brewery (0%), drunk in the Black Isle Brewery pub in Inverness.

(I love this pub!)

I don’t actually remember drinking this! Which potentially tells you all you need to know, BUT luckily, I did make notes on it in my phone. They read, “tastes kinda alcoholic. Best stout/porter yet”. So I must’ve liked it…but not enough to commit it to memory.

5/10 (Totally hedging my bets there)

Brooklyn Special Effects – Brooklyn brewery (0.4%), drunk in Hootenanny in Inverness.

I think we need to start by saying that this was so convincing that when I left the pub after having three of these the thought crossed my mind to ‘sober up’ so I could keep my wits about me getting home (I was completely sober!) AND I woke up with a hangover. Now, okay, it wasn’t a hangover – I think I was just over tired and dehydrated but I still had that beery taste in my mouth and the feeling of shame about ‘drinking on a school night’ hovered over me. All of that collectively made me feel hungover. Definitely one of the things I was trying to avoid! I mean I had three, so I obviously like it…a lot. It was hoppy and piney, with lots of flavour and good ‘depth’.

8/10

St Peter’s without, Gold (0%), found in Morrisons.

Dear lord, do not do this to yourself. This is up there with my least favourite beers of all time and I’ve tried a lot of very funky sours (usually ordered by my supervisor and friend Ewan). I took a few swigs, made a few other people suffer it and then abandoned it on a table mid party. It was SO malty/yeasty. I like both of those things, but not with that level of pungency. It reminded me of when you do a brewery tour and they get you to try and taste the malt before it goes through the brewing process. That experience is great on a tour…. I just do not want to drink a whole bottle of that flavour. The one positive thing I have to say about this is the bottle. It made me think of an old medicine bottle, the kind you’d dig up at the bottom of your garden. For that I can give this beer half a mark!

0.5/10

WINE

‘The Bees Knees’ by North South Wines ltd (0%), found in Morrisons.

In mid-January I did my first 45 minute talk to a group of beekeepers and this was an achievement I wanted to celebrate. The Bees Knees doesn’t claim to taste like a sparkling wine but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t disappointed that it didn’t! It reminded me of Schloer or sparkling elderflower and it was probably in a similar price bracket. What I did like was that I had a cork to pop! It made it feel more like an event. Without that I feel like I might as well just have bought a bottle of my favourite, coke zero, and called it a day. I wouldn’t not buy this again…but I’m not going to look forward to my next bottle or crave the taste of it!

5/10

McGuigan zero – Shiraz, from Morrisons (0%).

Looked like wine, smelled like wine…tasted like disappointment. Honestly, every mouthful of this was bitterly sad. I wanted real wine and I wanted real wine more than before I started drinking this alternative. I would not buy this again…ever.

1/10

GIN (yes gin!)

Ceders Wild (0%)

The only note I made on this on my phone was, ‘pointless’! I tried it with tonic, quite a strong one to be fair, and I don’t think I really got any notes of botanicals at all. I tried it straight from the bottle too, just to make sure I gave it a fair shot and, I mean, it tasted of something (probably juniper) but not a lot. If I’m honest I think I’d get just as much of a mock-G&T feeling by just drinking the tonic with a bit of ice and lime. I should probably add here that it was quite expensive at about £15-£20 for a medium sized bottle.

1/10

Seedlip Spice 94 and grapefruit tonic in a can (0%)

I’d heard a lot of people talk about this non-alcholic gin alternative but after the failure of ceders wild I didn’t fancy forking out another £20-£30 for a bottle. Luckily my friend bought me a pre-mixed can to try at a party…and it was great. I think it’s worth bearing in mind that obviously the company have carefully mixed the drink for you, so they’ve undoubtably ensured that you’re getting the maximum flavour. I do wonder what it’d be like if you mixed it yourself with whatever tonic you have lying around the house…but I’m not curious enough to spend any money!

6/10

So, all in all it was easier and I enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. I’ve even gone for non-alcoholic options since the end of January! It’s early days but I’ve loved not being hungover. Maybe it’s a ‘new me’, maybe it’s not, maybe it’ll be a fairly hangover free year, maybe I’ll have a wild couple of months after this post goes up …who knows?! I’m not telling you how to live your life, I’m not a paragon of health! But if this has given you food for thought and it’s something you want to try too at least you know there’s plenty of decent non-alcoholic options out there (and some not so decent ones)!